When “Opportunity” Is Just a Better-Dressed Cage

An honest look at loyalty, power, and why so many providers quietly burn out

I couldn’t help but wonder when being an esthetician started to feel less like a career and more like a beautifully packaged endurance test. Somewhere between being praised for our hustle and reminded how lucky we are to be there, the line between opportunity and obligation became quietly blurred. We are celebrated for our ability to produce revenue with our hands, our knowledge, our bodies, and our energy, all while being told that proximity to power is somehow a form of payment in itself.

At first, it feels exciting. We are invited into what is framed as a business within a business. Build your book, grow your clientele, invest in the brand, pour yourself into the vision. It sounds empowering, even generous, until you realize the unspoken rule underneath it all. You are allowed to build, as long as you never leave.

The Pattern No One Talks About

With nearly fifteen years in this industry, I have experienced almost every version of what people politely call a bad breakup. Spas, resorts, MedSpas, doctor’s offices. Different environments, same emotional aftermath. Every time I left a position, I gave two to four weeks notice. Every time, I did it professionally, respectfully, and with integrity. And every single time, it was taken personally by the owner, the doctor, or management. What should have been a transition turned into something tense and reactive, as if choosing a next chapter was an act of betrayal rather than growth.

The Disguise of Opportunity

Most estheticians do not enter this field to be disposable. We enter it because we care deeply. We are intuitive, detail oriented, and emotionally invested in helping people feel confident in their skin. That passion is what makes us good at what we do, and unfortunately, it is also what makes us easy to exploit. We are encouraged to give more time, more energy, more emotional labor, and more loyalty, all under the guise of opportunity, growth, or paying dues. Slowly, generosity becomes expectation, expectation becomes entitlement, and respect becomes conditional.

The moment you begin to advocate for yourself, whether that means asking for sustainable demands, better compensation, balance, or simply admitting you are ready for something different, the tone changes. Suddenly ambition is reframed as ingratitude, independence is treated like disloyalty, and growth feels threatening.

When Loyalty Becomes a Liability

I believed for a long time that doing the right thing would be met with the same professionalism in return. I showed up fully, protected the brand, and handled my departure with care. Instead, I was escorted out. My belongings were placed on a Manhattan sidewalk. I was barred from reentering the building and fired for quitting. I was offered severance in goodwill, thanked for everything I had built, and then denied payment. Final pay withheld. Multiple commissions missing. Promises quietly reversed once emotions and egos entered the conversation. I couldn’t help but wonder when professionalism, morals and ethics became optional, and only expected from one side.

What Happens Behind the Curtain

Behind the scenes, many estheticians are not battling clients or outcomes. We are battling egos. We are pushed to produce more, book more, sell more, and give more, all while being reminded to stay grateful for the opportunity. Meanwhile, the very reason we entered this field, helping people, building trust, and creating meaningful results, gets buried under pressure, control, and unrealistic expectations.

The irony is hard to ignore. If businesses fostered healthier cultures, ethical leadership, and sustainable practices, many of us would never leave. I would not have left. There is a clear disconnect between what leadership believes motivates people and what actually retains skilled professionals.

The Silence That Keeps It Going

What makes this pattern even more unsettling is how common it is, and how little it is discussed publicly. Stories are exchanged quietly in treatment rooms, text threads, and private messages. Everyone knows someone who was iced out, locked out, or financially cornered on their way out the door. Yet publicly, we remain polite, grateful, and professional, because in an industry built on reputation, silence often feels safer than honesty.

So How Does This Ever Change?

How does an industry evolve when independence is punished and loyalty is weaponized? How do we expect morale to exist when respect is conditional and professionalism is selective? I do not know if change happens quickly, or without discomfort, but I do know this. An industry that survives by exploiting passion and punishing growth is not sustainable. And more estheticians are beginning to see that clearly.

A Note From Your Big Sister Estie

As your big sister estie, let me be clear and let me guide you. Always remember who you are. You are not replaceable, and you are not lucky to be there. You are not nothing without someone else’s name, license, or platform. Push for what is morally right, even when it is uncomfortable. No opportunity should push you to your breaking point or require you to abandon your self respect. If it does, it is not an opportunity, it is a warning.

Stand up for yourself, speak up for yourself, and advocate for yourself.

There will always be people who try to convince you that you are nothing without them, that what you want is unrealistic, or that independence is too hard to pursue alone. Do not believe them.

That tightening feeling in your gut when something feels off is not fear. It is information, and it deserves your attention.

There is always something better, whether that is a healthier environment, a more aligned opportunity, or your own independent path. Growth is not betrayal, it is evolution. Your career is not built by how much you endure, but by what you refuse to accept.

You do not need permission to outgrow a room, approval to choose yourself, or validation to trust your instincts.

Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is walk away with your integrity intact and believe that something better exists on the other side.

And maybe the real opportunity was never the one you were given, but the one you finally gave yourself.